Author: C. Marlowe
Disclaimer: Joss owns Miss Kitty but the other characters are mine, ALL MINE!


Miss Kitty Fantastico and the Arse of Doom


Miss Kitty was dozing lightly on the windowshelf, soaking up the sunshine and lazily flicking her tail. Her ears twitched, reacting to the laughter and noise in the next room. Her humans, Willow and Tara, were setting up for a marathon showing of the 'Indiana Jones' movies. The rest of the gang would be showing up soon. Miss Kitty once again cursed the ineptitude of the Gentlemen. They were supposed to prepare Sunndayle for Miss Kitty, but they let themselves be killed by that stupid slayer and her boyfriend. Miss Kitty was forced to lie low with a couple of humans while she plotted her next evil plan.

Which she wasn't doing right now. Miss Kitty luxuriated in the pleasures of being a kitten, being served by two wiccans and also being able to keep tabs on the slayer and the rest of her crews. Miss Kitty yawned, exposing razor sharp teeth and resettled herself down on the windowshelf. She had no interest in the movies, having lived it several times over in previous incarnations. Miss Kitty started dreaming of one such time, when she was known by a different name...

"Kittiana! You bad kitty", said archeologist-adventurer Indiana Jones. "You shouldn't be playing with the 2,000 year old Etruscan sacrificial stones."

Indiana Jones picked up Kittiana and put her down on the floor and straightened out the stones that were on the display table in his classroom. The stones were to be included in a lecture on Etruscan archeology in an hour. Kittiana meowed with annoyance, as she wasn't playing with the stones, just attempting to utilize the stones in their true purpose, to kill pigs. She was about to scamper off to see if she could get her paw on the Ming Dynasty wishing tatami when another human walked in. Kittiana did not bother with human names, but understood that this human was the boss of the human she was currently living with temporarily.

She sat on her haunches with great dignity, perking her ears up to listen to what the humans were saying. It sounded like Indiana would be off on another adventure to locate a precious item. Miss Kitty purred when she heard the item they were looking for 'The Arse of Doom'. The Arse was a powerful talisman in the shape of a Dragon's ass that could destroy any life form with a single blast of specially charged air. Miss Kitty was looking forward to joining Indiana and getting that talisman for herself. It was about time she parted ways with the annoying human.

Kittiana inspected the talisman with her nose and whiskers. It proved to be easier to nip the talisman than she thought. All she had to do was let the human do all the work of running through the corridors, evading shooting arrows, snake pits and rolling boulders. After Indiana Jones crept out of the cave, breathing heavily and clutching the talisman, it was kitten-play to claw his hand to make him drop it. Kittiana then grabbed the talisman with her mouth and tore through the jungle with her prize. Miss Kitty manuvered to get the talisman around her neck and went off in search of a suitable primitive human tribe to try the talisman on. She only got a few yards when she heard a strange human yell and saw a peculiar human swinging on the vines...

Miss Kitty twitched and writhed on the windowsill, relishing the memory of how she dealt with that stupid human. Almost a good a memory as the time she once clawed to death that Roman emperor. She resumed purring with evil pleasure.

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